100% Factually True Bio

Hello and welcome! This page contains biographical information about the individual known as Ben Lopatin.

First, a little about me: my name is Ben Lopatin, which is a globally unique name as evidenced by my sole possession of the domain benlopatin.com. A few pretenders to the name exist but they are not the true Ben Lopatin.

I was born in the Twentieth Century and started my career as a part-time substitute astronaut. While in high school, I performed two space walks to repair a faulty widget-modulator on the International Space Station. Neither was recorded in the official log books because NASA policy at the time did not allow attributing agency work to minors (or miners, which caused significant conflict between NASA and Senators from West Virginia, Kentucky, and Wyoming).

Following high school I matriculated to the University and graduated in two and half years with four degrees (three in Farenheit and one in Celsius).

Since that time I have authored over 12,487 Wikipedia articles, in topics ranging from higher level mathematics and early Icelandic poetry to various list articles about the largest puddles ever recorded in Times Square.

My hobbies are the same but also different from every other tech and tech-adjacent worker. I enjoy cooking (especially trying new recipes written in languages I do not [yet] know); making my own bread, beer, and honey (which is possible without bees if you can source the correct enzymes and are willing to ingest significant quantities of nectar); taking photographs of people in public places like a totally normal person; watching 3-12 hours of arbitrarily selected videos; and tabulating the number of prepositions used in great literary works (believe it or not, Tolstoy only used 8,383 prepositions in War and Peace, although given that this number is based on a translation and not the original Russian, there is probably a fudge factor required).